Having been in a system where we try to optimize for more in life—whether in career, education, relationships, effort, or even love—I often wonder about the KPIs of life. Of course, these KPIs are relevant only at a specific time. A KPI exclusive of time is void. These thoughts scream at me from my void as well.
Writing from an interesting position in my life at 27, with everything in motion and yet stuck, I really do wonder.
My life dictates KPIs of stability, capital (social, monetary, and personal), and excess that manifests in a respectable means of sustenance: money, companionship, some sort of path, and acceptance of the subculture I want to be a part of. These are often the KPIs that ring inside my mind regardless of my state.
Now, while bikepacking, the community, while striving for no KPI, compels me to assign a KPI that provides me with a semblance of understanding of my journey, adding no value. I often debate if I need a vanity metric to make myself feel better about the activity—well, not so much.
I have often used one KPI throughout my journey: miles per hour. How can I optimize my time to cover the most distance so that I can see a lot of places? I only have so much time, right? I was lowkey proud of doing 150+ km on a loaded bike and feeling great about it. During that time, I was not taking a moment to set in and realize the beauty and vibes around me. More often than not, the smile was missing.
Conscious of the intent of my journey to make myself smile, this time I chose the KPI: smiles per hour. Irrespective of the distance covered, I thoroughly focused on what brings me joy—stopping around the lake, taking a siesta, even doing 30 km a day, just taking it as it comes while being mindful of reaching the destination. Eventually, I reaffirmed to myself that the journey is the destination.
This time, on a few days, I only cycled 20 km because I just saw what a lovely view the place had. Sometimes I stopped a few kilometers before as I loved the camping spot. Sometimes I just kept on cycling because I was enjoying it—all because of the smiles. I remember changing my route from entering Val Mustair into Italy to entering from Stelvio into Italy. A painfully tough choice, but I enjoyed every part of it. Going down the 32 narrow loops made the climb in sheer headwinds and rain worth it. I even started eating Parmiggiano like a sandwich, just taking a huge bite of the cheese block. Unhinged but happy—that’s what I strived for.
I have often thought about the meaning of life to cope with existential dread. Ah, dread that comes from the lack of action—classic! Many great philosophers have had their own opinions: nihilistic, absurdist, realist, pragmatic, and so on.
Now I am trying to make myself understand that life is a blank canvas. Paint whatever you want/assign any KPI you want and just be mindful of it, and the jigsaw will fall into place!
Smiles per hour over miles per hour!
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